The State of Tweaking In Today’s Socio-Economic Climate: HUMOR
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Man fuck the way inflation just waltzed its big ass in here and cock slapped young people and also me in our faces. No wonder there’s fucking thefts and crime happening left, right, and centre all over my city. Just last summer I had all my tools jacked out of my truck cause I was stupid enough to own tools and a truck. I had to push back all my contracts by a day when I was already overbooked cause I had to waste my whole day driving around the city rebuying all my tools. I spent $3000 dollars that day just to replace my shit. And I bet whoever stole that shit got a $60 sack of dope for it at best. Probably ripped off with a bag of salt by some other morally and financially bankrupt tweaker too. Like fuck not only did y’all take my ability to make drug money, I had to lose out on a day of making drug money, just so I could spend my fucking drug money replacing the tools I need to make more drug money. Hard not to be choked about that situation. Especially with life’s dick constantly down my throat already. But you know what? I ain’t mad at Tweaker Terry or Burglar Barry. I’m mad at Cost-of-Living Carey.
Can you imagine living back in the day? Those motherfuckers didn’t even hardly need drugs they had it so good. There wasn’t even real crime. Batman made his crime fighting suit out of fucking spandex. What good is spandex gonna do these days? Won’t even slow down the hard-ons of the meth-fueled gang rapists as they jam their cocks right through your bicycle shorts right after taking the pleather carrier of maxed out credit cards that you call a wallet.
People back in the 60s or 70s or whatever could get a fuckin paper route or some shit and could buy a house and a car and feed a family of 10. Shit, these days I’d need a paper route just to afford the gas needed to deliver the paper for my route after some fuckin tweaker probably stole my bike again. Shit wouldn’t even cover the cost of the meth I’d need to get out of bed in the afternoon, let alone the dose for getting up at the ass-crack of dawn.
Like what is the point to this shit? Why yes I’d like to go to school and get $80,000 in debt so that if I’m lucky I can get a job in my chosen field where I’m making $20,000 a year. Just enough where I can have the interest on my student loan paid off by the time I’m 40. And that’s only if I make all of my meals nothing but ramen until I finally decide to splurge one day and eat a bullet instead. If i ration my ramen just right, I can space the intervals at which I shit to every third day or so, provided my asshole has recuperated enough from the last WWE Smackdown Raw beatdown this pack of one-ply toilet paper gave to it and my wallet. That’s all if you even can afford the diet-meth study aids you’d need to even get you through school cause there’s no way you’re not flunking out working 2 part time jobs to get by on top of your full course load. You can sleep when you’re dead which is hopefully pretty fucking soon.
Want a house? Good fuckin luck. Even if you get married your combined income won’t be enough needed to put a down payment on a house which is how fuckin much now? You probably won’t even be able to afford to put down your dog when you can’t afford his $3000 lupus medication, forget putting down $30,000 on a $300,000 house. Fuck, It’s no wonder I can’t put down the fuckin meth pipe either. Like fuck they got 50 years mortgages in some places. Am I supposed to hand this mortgage down to my kids that somehow were unfortunate enough to survive until adulthood despite a diet of ramen and bullshit?
Like fuck why do we got to sign up for a lifetime of dick suck and fuck ass just to have a little bit of something that the bank is just gonna take away from us anyways when we inevitably lose our incomes when the economy goes the rest of the way down the shitter. I might as well cut out the middle man and start sucking dick for meth on the street. Least then I can charge extra for getting fucked in the ass instead of sucking life’s dick and then having the taxman fuck my ass and then bill me for it.
