“Revolution is not a one-time event.”

Audre Lorde

There’s this sense, and it’s reified in contemporary American conventional wisdom, that surviving trauma is tantamount to overcoming trauma. And to further the libertarian spirit of the sentiment, we add a maxim suggesting that if you survived you are stronger and immune to those same headwinds life may send your way again.

You got this sis.

And this is all a lie.

There’s no darker place that I found than a place inhabited by two people who are depressed or trying to make it home. It’s not because they are inherently dark it’s because it’s haunted by the memories extreme love.

The percentage of gay kids who suffer from crippling depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation is staggering.

The fact that any of us overcome those odds is often seen a testimony to our resilience. Those of us who can make it through and escape as an adult is the essence of the Gets Better campaign. The campaign was brilliant and inspiring and much needed. But even after we “escape” after we wallow in our self determination and strength, things can indeed get worse again.

The repression and internalized stigma around our sexuality is itself and one of the driving factors in my drug use.

Despite gains in equality and representation, depression, suicide and ideation remain stubbornly high. A 2019 study that appeared in Journal of Gay & Lesbian Mental Health maintains Stigma and suicide risk among the LGBTQ population: Are anxiety and depression to blame and can connectedness to the LGBTQ community help?

LGBTQ individuals may be at risk for suicidal behavior due to perceived stigma and psychopathology. However, protective factors, such as community connectedness, may reduce risk. We examined depression and anxiety as mediators of the linkage between perceived stigma and suicidal behavior, and the moderating role of LGBTQ community connectedness. Among our sample of LGBTQ persons (N = 496), psychopathology mediated the association between perceived stigma and suicidal behavior. Connectedness moderated the relation between perceived stigma and depression, and between perceived stigma and suicidal behavior in the anxiety model. Therapeutically addressing stigma and promoting LGBTQ community connectedness may reduce risk for suicidal behavior.

Indeed positive messaging and slogans mean little when faced with difficulty accepting your  own sexual orientation If you identify as LGBT but grew up in an environment where being straight and cisgender were the only acceptable options, you may have felt the safest hiding your identity and sexuality.

According the Trevor Project’s 2019 National Survey: 71% of LGBTQ youth in our study reported experiencing discrimination due to either their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Among some of the key findings of the report from LGBTQ youth in the survey:

• 39% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past twelve months, with more than half of transgender and non-binary youth having seriously considered

• 71% of LGBTQ youth reported feeling sad or hopeless for at least two weeks in the past year • Less than half of LGBTQ respondents were out to an adult at school, with youth less likely to disclose their gender identity than sexual orientation

• 2 in 3 LGBTQ youth reported that someone tried to convince them to change their sexual orientation or gender identity, with youth who have undergone conversion therapy more than twice as likely to attempt suicide as those who did not

• 71% of LGBTQ youth in our study reported discrimination due to either their sexual orientation or gender identity • 58% of transgender and non-binary youth reported being discouraged from using a bathroom that corresponds to their gender identity

• 76% of LGBTQ youth felt that the recent political climate impacted their mental health or sense of self

Even when you finally felt like you could express yourself, doing so might not have felt natural.

Despite knowing your orientation is a normal expression of human sexuality, you might continue struggling with guilt or fear around your identity, especially when trying to counter years of religious upbringing. Associating sex with negative emotions from an early age, you could end up with some negative views toward people who freely express their sexuality.

This could happen in a relationship — say, when your partner brings up a sexual fantasy they’d like to act out.

You might also internalize more generalized negative values toward LGBTQIA+ people or people who have casual sex, for example.

In addition, according to Healthline, “The True Colors Fund states that 4.2 million youth experience homelessness every year and that 40 percent of these homeless youth are LGBTQ. This number is even more astounding considering that LGBT people make up only 7 percent of the youth population. These young people experiencing homelessness are at a greater risk for discrimination, victimization, and mental health issues than those who aren’t homeless.”

According to the CDCTrusted Source, stresses experienced by LGBT youth put them at a greater risk for mental health problems and other health risks than heterosexual youth. These health risks include:

• behaviors that contribute to violence, such as carrying a weapon or getting in fights
• behaviors that contribute to unintentional injuries, such as driving without a seatbelt or driving drunk
• tobacco, alcohol, or other drug use
• sexual behaviors, such as not using birth control or barrier methods
• depression
• suicide or suicide attempts