The 5 Coolest Pokémon & What They Mean To One Gay Boy

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#GayNrd’s resident Gaymer Brandon Curry says, “I’ve loved Pokémon for as long as I can remember, it’s a safety blanket, it’s as intrinsic to my DNA as breathing and Star Wars.  I’ve always been fascinated by the creatures and the powers in the world of Pokémon, and it was a great escape from a semi rough childhood.”

Out magazine said that Pokémon “appeals to young gay men—and not just because a Pokémon dating app is actually launching. When you first meet a new guy, it’s a new adventure. The electricity between you is like a Jolteon in heat. There’s an excitement in this newness, the thrill of unfamiliarity. It’s confusing and maybe a bit mysterious at first—an unidentified species.”

You start to learn more about each other: your strengths, your weaknesses. You develop a sense of each other’s habitat, the food you enjoy, the places on the map you’re most likely to be found. You impress each other with your skills, eager to perform up to his standards. Over time, the relationship levels up, gets stronger, and evolves.

And as things start to feel like they are going somewhere, you find yourself not being called on as much, only sitting around waiting for them to choose you, again.

Herein Curry names his top 5 and why.

Kyogre (JapaneseカイオーガKyogre) is a Water-typeLegendary Pokémon introduced in Generation III.

The first legendary one I personally ever caught, it’s a bad ass, majestic whale, it exudes majesty and royalty. It’s the Sea Basin Pokemon and it causes flooding and massive rainstorms in its awesome wake.

It was made even better by its Primal Reversion in Alpha Sapphire, growing even bigger and even more powerful.

Who doesn’t like a legendary POKÉMON with extra glory bits?

Sylveon (Japaneseニンフィア Nymphia) is a Fairy-type Pokémon introduced in Generation VI.

Just when you think Pokémon couldn’t get any gayer, here comes the first fairy type Pokémon to fucking destroy all your hopes and dreams of any heterosexuality.

Our favorite genetically unstable Pokémon Eevee, evolves into this Dragon stomping machine. 

If you’ve got a dragon, guess what? Your moves are absolutely ineffective. Also look at me. I’m hot. I’m the prettiest boi.

Weezing (Japaneseマタドガス Matadogas) is a Poison-type Pokémon introduced in Generation I.

This new Galar Pokémon is a bong, and fans are going wild -slamming fists against desk and chanting- BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!

Raichu (JapaneseライチュウRaichu) is an Electric-typePokémon introduced in Generation I.

The best raichu is different from Kantoian raichu, it’s a psychic type. Raichu in Alola achieved this form via eating too many fluffy pancakes.

Can you even imagine?

Swampert (JapaneseラグラージLaglarge) is a dual-type Water/GroundPokémon introduced in Generation III.

Look at this amazing and swole boi…. he said I go to the gym, do you bro? I heard you like gains?!  It’s also just fantastic seeing my favorite starter Pokémon get a new form and some boosted stats. 

What do my 5 fave say about me?!

That, I’m a cool level headed chill individual, that can be a little icy and frigid, or I can be the cute effervescent life of the party! I’m also strong as fuck when I need to be and can stand my ground, I can be electric as hell. And I have a mean sweet tooth! Also I’m a bonafide stoner hippie that wants to take down the Patriarchy.

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