Gay Sons & Mothers Presents Its Fourth Episode of ‘Mothers Who Inspire’
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My first encounter with Gay Sons and Mothers was profoundly moving. The vignettes on Instagram were surprisingly powerful.
Photo above: me and my mother at the Acropolis when I was two.
They reminded me of my sometimes fraught relationship and made me pause and process how a profoundly simple and yet overwhelmingly powerful relationship had been such a blindspot in so much of what we take for granted.
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Gay Sons and Mothers was founded by psychologist Rick Miller. Miller became curious about the relationship between gay men and their mothers, a theme resonating throughout his clinical practice which led him to explore this special relationship in depth. He found that virtually no one was writing about this critical bond.
Miller’s goal now is to share what he’s learned through research and people’s stories: that how a mother nurtures her son — giving him support based primarily on his interests, rather than just on his sexual preferences — is key. He now travels around the country interviewing gay men and their mothers, photographing and filming them, and putting together a multicultural montage of relationships. This evolved into the Gay Sons and Mothers nonprofit organization.
Davis shares her experiences of being a Mormon mother in Utah and how she found the strength and courage to become a fierce advocate for the LGBTQ+ community and families after learning her son Zack was gender non-conforming.
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#GayNrd spoke to Miller about why he does the work and Monday’s fourth episode of their Mothers Who Inspire video series featuring Miller and Lori Davis.
Photo above: Rick Miller
How did you come to start Gay Sons and Mothers? I started it simply because there was insufficient information about this anywhere! I was looking for research to use for my own writing and teaching assuming there would be tons and tons of info. I interviewed some moms and sons to write an article and knew instantly that all of these interviews needed to be recorded to share with the world.
What’s something that surprised you? What surprised me most was the lack of documentation about any of this! Also, that mothers who weren’t comfortable having a gay son frequently supported their interests which ultimately affirmed them in incredible ways. Most of us think that a mother has to support her son being gay or coming out, when that isn’t always the case. Many moms weren’t comfortable with a gay son yet allowed him to play with dolls, or do other things that aren’t stereotypical for boys.
So much of research and talk focuses on gay men and their fathers and masculinity. What’s been lost by focusing on that relationship? What has been lost is that the best lessons of masculinity also come from the acceptance of a mother, because she has the ability to indirectly show her children that masculinity is much more broad than most of us think. Also, mothers have had a significant influence on fathers to be more accepting.
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You can register for the webinar here. And learn more about Gay Sons and Mothers here.
