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Josh Robbins Talks Dating Positives: WATCH

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In the generation of Grindr, Scruff, and other “Hook-up” apps , sex is easy – it’s finding a connection beyond physical gratifications that has become more difficult to find. I can imagine that, when you’re HIV positive, it becomes even more difficult.  Josh Robbins, a man from Nashville, TN has been documenting his struggles to find love as part of an online docu-series called Life With Josh released by DatingPositives.com. He’s young, handsome, and one of the sweetest guys you could ever hope to meet. I was lucky enough to be able to catch Robbins on a rare day off to answer a few questions I had about his life, the series, and what it’s like to be dating positive.

Gaynrd: When did you realize you were gay? 

Robbins: I wish I could pinpoint an exact moment, time or date when I realized I was gay, but I can’t. I did, however, begin accepting it after moving to NYC, where I observed amazing gay men living so comfortably with themselves … I think that’s when I decided that I was, in fact, gay. 

Came out of the closet?

I came out to my family when I was 23 or 24 years old, after living with a “roommate” for a year or so. Oh, the joys of having to pretend I slept in my own room when family would visit. 

Discovered you were HIV-positive? 

I was diagnosed on January 24, 2012, after becoming sick with flu-like symptoms around January 2 that same year. I was exposed to HIV on the late evening/early morning of December 18, 2011 by someone who didn’t know they were living with HIV.

When you did find out you were positive, do you remember the first thoughts that went through you head?

I do – I actually recorded the clinic visit and released the video on YouTube.

Upon hearing the news, I immediately became disappointed that I tested positive, then the shock of not being invincible settled in. I worried about dating and having sex again; I wondered if I was going to die and how I was going to ever tell people. At that point, I was so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, that I wondered if that would ever change.  

It was and still is, to my understanding, the only recorded live HIV diagnosis on record. 

When did you decide to start I’m Still Josh and why?

About two weeks after being told I was living with HIV, I woke up on a Thursday morning in my downtown Nashville apartment and felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I jumped into the shower and by the time the shower ended, I’d decided that I was going to create a blog and announce to the world via social media that I was living with HIV. 

Later that same day, I created my first blog entry and posted it to my Facebook profile. Then I decided to turn off my cell phone and go hang with a friend. What happened next was crazy! My blog analytics went wild—I think I hit WordPress’ fastest growing blogs list that first day. 

A few days later, I went on a cruise with my dad and stepmom, where I escaped from every-day life and the questions that I knew were waiting for me back home. Personally, I recommend anyone about to unload big news like that to go on a cruise immediately! Being unreachable forces people to digest your news at their own speed and without you having to be involved. By the time I got back, my phone was literally full of texts and voicemails – I still think I’m probably behind in returning those calls! 

What is working with an organization like DatingPositives like?

Collaborating with DatingPositives has been amazing! I get to create content that I feel passionate about and I have a huge platform that helps distribute it to the world. 

It feels really special to give back to the community of people living with HIV and STDS and to support them in finding love, happiness and fulfillment – whatever that looks like for each individual. And let’s be honest, as the company’s spokesperson, my DatingPositives’ profile gets extra visibility  from hotties! 

Beyond the obvious, I also fell in love with the team behind the platform. It became immediately evident that they care very deeply about the community when they endorsed the U=U Consensus Statement – something that was so important to all of us living with HIV. They even put the statement on DatingPositives’ homepage – how cool is that? 

As a content creator, WAXoh.com – DatingPositives’ online LGBTQIA+-focused sex, love, relationships, and community magazine – was the perfect platform for me to contribute to. They have huge, well-known writers like Zachary Zane that contribute too. Getting a byline next to an article Zachary’s written is always a positive (pun intended!)! 

WAXoh! is also a media sponsor of this year’s World Pride at NYC Pride! These days, it’s essential that any company I align myself with is 100% supportive of my community. DatingPositives just checked all the boxes for me.

Can you give some of your own experiences with dating as an HIV+ man?

I think my experiences dating are similar to that of any man. Sometimes it’s awesome, sometimes it’s just about sex, sometimes I get rejected and, other times, I’m so busy with life that dating is almost impossible. 

Of course, I experience stigma because of my diagnosis. But with PrEP and the message of U=U proving that the fear of contraction is not really scientifically valid anymore, some of the people I’ve been mad crushing on for a long time have come around. 

It definitely still sucks when someone I’m into gives me the cold shoulder — especially because of my status. When that happens, I try not to berate them with facts to prove my worthiness. I just let them go do their thing. Negotiating my worthiness with a dating prospect is wack! I’ve learned to move on and keep my head held high. I’ll toss shade their way another day, for sure!

What has been the most rewarding experience with being so open and honest about your life?

I look at my decision to share my status with the world as simply doing what was best for me. I wanted to tell the world. I was lucky enough that I could tell them and not put my safety at risk. It was the right and only decision for me. 

For others, the choice is their’s – and only their’s – to make. Keeping a private medical condition to yourself, when it doesn’t and won’t affect others, isn’t being dishonest. Some people are more private than me. I can tell you that the stress of having to keep my HIV status a secret was immediately relieved upon my disclosure, and I think that decision had a direct, positive effect on my actual health. Mainly, I’m just glad I listened to my gut and did what was right for me. Being honest with myself and living my truth prospered into actual, tangible health benefits. 

What is your idea of the perfect mate / relationship? 

I’m still figuring out what a perfect mate or relationship looks like. I’m certainly not perfect, so expecting perfection from a mate is like wishing rent won’t be due next month—-it ain’t gonna happen.

But, seriously, I’m just looking for someone that wants to experience life by my side. I just don’t know if I’ve found THE person yet. 

Until then, I’ll keep checking my inbox at DatingPositives! 

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