[EDITOR’S NOTE: THIS IS A WORK OF HUMOR BASED ON TRUE EVENTS]
There are signs my friends, long before you’ve got too far, recognize the symptoms herein.
Urban Dictionary describes White Girl Syndrome (WGS) as a syndrome developed after creating for one’s self and allowing drama to ferment and backfire, usually by a white girl. The creation of a lie in order to make one’s self appear to be a victim.
I was just getting a drink.
But Brooklyn be like:
BARSTOOL GIRL: …and she was like, you are centering yourself right now. And if anything, um, she was the one centering herself! I’m white adjacent. And so was she. But she doesn’t realize her privilege. We both have a white side and a repressed side. And she centered herself cuz she’s poly and got mad cuz I asked about her Black boyfriend or partner or whatever. Well, we we’re all poly, but I don’t wanna be, but anyways, she doesn’t eeeven reeeaalize the MOST privileged people on this earth are white. Adjacent. Poly. Women! (hiccup)
Excuse me. (giggles)
I’m married to a poly man. But I’m mono (hiccup) monogamy. My husband is this tall white dude. He’s home. But my partner is Black. Like Kanye Black. But I’m rambling and should definitely go home now. Do you want my number before I leave?”
ME: Not at all.
True. Fucking. Story.
Kevin Demoan Edwards is a Brooklyn playwrite who spends too much time on social media. Follow him on Facebook.